So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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