that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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