It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
