Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Randomize
