That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
