I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
