my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
