She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
