but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
