I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
