i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
