Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
