First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
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