so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
