please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Randomize
