I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
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