Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I would fuck him just for his dog
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
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