I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
