i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
