Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
