He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
