Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
