My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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