and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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