talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
