Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize