I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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