It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
