I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
