If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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