the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
