Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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