I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
