mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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