I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
