He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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