Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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