Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
This baby is an asshole
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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