shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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