This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
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