6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
