you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Randomize
