i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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