I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
