If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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