you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
