You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
