I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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