I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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