I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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