I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
