so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
